theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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