I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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