I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
