let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
