This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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