my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
where am i from again
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
