Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
