hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
