shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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