Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
