You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
