Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
