just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I FOUND THE LEGS
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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