Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
