I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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