Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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