elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
