I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
