its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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