I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
