wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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