Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
