We won't sleep together?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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