why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
