Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
