i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
