If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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