I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
