Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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