I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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