just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
