Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
