it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
