Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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