I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
