My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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