Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
