I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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