I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
