My sheets look like a crime scene.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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