we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
