You're so nebulous sometimes
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
