i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
