I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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