I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
