note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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