Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
