is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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