Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
