I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
