we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
How naked do you want me to be?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
