My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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