Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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