who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
