Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
