WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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