After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
