Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
