I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize