the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
