First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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