Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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