Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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