Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
