Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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