I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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