The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize