Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
