I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
