You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All I want is dick and wine.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
