If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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