I'm going to jail i love you
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
