Say something about gay babies.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
