Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
