Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
